Sundays are often unfairly treated. Associated with the doom and gloom of Monday morning stresses, Sunday can be an ominous time for all. But Sunday is also a time for lazy breakfasts, morning papers and copious amounts of caffeine. For afternoon strolls and lengthy phone calls to friends neglected during busy weeks. Katie, a friend from uni who saw me through plenty of tequila and third year exams, is joining me in some downtime as we nurse our vodka/cherryade hangovers.
While I am still indefinitely both single and unemployed (though technically a student so I'm not despairing about this quite yet) Katie comes complete with both man and job. She even has a house deposit. So Sunday morning pillow talk is consisting of chuntney recipes and vintage weddings. Katie's dreams are made of cupcakes and bunting, fairylights and sepia photographs. I have to say it's an ever-so-charming diversion from council meetings and AV.
Looking back to my third year of University, summer 2009, mine and Katie's lives were strikingly similar. We entered the wide world as arts-based-graduates-with-boyfriends with similar aspirations for the future. Two years later and the twists and turns of fate have left me scattered, still piecing back together reminents of that former life. Katie, on the other hand, has managed to keep her focus on the original plan, with a job relating perfectly to her degree and that same man who she always told us would be there for the long haul. Though it's a concept so familiar it's a cliche, it still shocks me how much time can change. How differently things can turn out.
There is a small part of me that one day hopes for the vegetable patch and the jam jars on the window sill, but for now uncertainty holds its own charm.
x
A beautiful website - what wedding dreams are made of: http://ruffledblog.com/vintage-indie-wedding/
Sunday, 17 April 2011
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Why Men Cheat
Infidelity. It's the age old relationship problem. It's the ultimate fear - your seemingly devoted beloved is off spending dirty weekends with his slutty secretary. When a man does do the deed the most common response from a woman is why. Why her? Why now? Why wasn't I enough? An answer to this comes in the form of a recent article posted on Esquire website - Why Men Cheat.
Anonymous gives his frank and unapologetic account of the real reason behind those stolen, sordid moments: http://www.esquire.com/features/reasons-why-men-cheat-0410
This long-winded explanation can be surmised in one short sentence: I am a selfish prick. 'Unfiltered' and 'unadulterated' it may be, but trying to give this self-absorbed man's musings some kind of integrity through their 'honesty' is, quite frankly, ridiculous.
It's inevitable that many men will cheat. It is also inevitable that women will cheat, but everyone seems to forget about this. Apparently we are not capable of feeling that hedonistic rush of desire for anyone other that our long-term partner, who - according to this mans standards- is probably out doing his secretary anyway. In reality many women actually do cheat, but they know how to keep it quiet. But that's a seperate issue, back to the 'self-satisfying' male.
Some of the nicest men I know have cheated. Courteous, well brought-up boys who eat their greens and love their mum. Love their girlfriends too, for that matter. The common misconception is that cheating is a reflection of the relationship, when in actual fact it's often a totally separate issue. It is a need, as Anonymous points out. But, where as he refers to this need as some kind of deep-founded validation, I suspect it's much more simple then that. They need sex. And a little bit of an ego boost too.
So what's the answer? Do we just accept that if the opportunity is presented and the circumstances are encouraging there are many who will take it? Is polygamy the way forward, no boundaries, no restrictions, no worries? "This is the most absolute choice I can make. I am there on my own. Against every code, rule and set of morals I pretend to obey." Well then, if you put it like that of course we can see why men cheat. If that squalid twelve-and-a-half minutes can translate into a profound and self-defining moment of ultimate control, then no wonder they get a kick out of it.
Anonymous gives his frank and unapologetic account of the real reason behind those stolen, sordid moments: http://www.esquire.com/features/reasons-why-men-cheat-0410
This long-winded explanation can be surmised in one short sentence: I am a selfish prick. 'Unfiltered' and 'unadulterated' it may be, but trying to give this self-absorbed man's musings some kind of integrity through their 'honesty' is, quite frankly, ridiculous.
It's inevitable that many men will cheat. It is also inevitable that women will cheat, but everyone seems to forget about this. Apparently we are not capable of feeling that hedonistic rush of desire for anyone other that our long-term partner, who - according to this mans standards- is probably out doing his secretary anyway. In reality many women actually do cheat, but they know how to keep it quiet. But that's a seperate issue, back to the 'self-satisfying' male.
Some of the nicest men I know have cheated. Courteous, well brought-up boys who eat their greens and love their mum. Love their girlfriends too, for that matter. The common misconception is that cheating is a reflection of the relationship, when in actual fact it's often a totally separate issue. It is a need, as Anonymous points out. But, where as he refers to this need as some kind of deep-founded validation, I suspect it's much more simple then that. They need sex. And a little bit of an ego boost too.
So what's the answer? Do we just accept that if the opportunity is presented and the circumstances are encouraging there are many who will take it? Is polygamy the way forward, no boundaries, no restrictions, no worries? "This is the most absolute choice I can make. I am there on my own. Against every code, rule and set of morals I pretend to obey." Well then, if you put it like that of course we can see why men cheat. If that squalid twelve-and-a-half minutes can translate into a profound and self-defining moment of ultimate control, then no wonder they get a kick out of it.
Mr Anonymous likes to labour his rejection of the rigid values society and marriage so unreasonably impose of his freedom. So what if these were removed and he could do what he pleased? Would that tussle with a slightly tipsy and past it mother of two looking for a little excitement to spice up the mundane really be that exciting? That sexy? Would it make him feel like he'd "voted his presence," like the "blood is moving through his body again?" I doubt it. So he needs his current commitment to render the affair exciting, otherwise it's probably just crap sex. Paradox indeed.
In not so many words, my take on Why Men Cheat:
1. Bored
2. Horny
3. Drunk
There is no point trying to philosophise why men cheat on their partners, there are a million and one little insignificant reasons and none of them are likely to be particularly considered. Trying to search for some kind of subconscious motivation behind their impulsive actions is a fruitless battle. Men cheat because the opportunity presents itself, and fidelity is not a good enough reason to stop them.
In not so many words, my take on Why Men Cheat:
1. Bored
2. Horny
3. Drunk
There is no point trying to philosophise why men cheat on their partners, there are a million and one little insignificant reasons and none of them are likely to be particularly considered. Trying to search for some kind of subconscious motivation behind their impulsive actions is a fruitless battle. Men cheat because the opportunity presents itself, and fidelity is not a good enough reason to stop them.
Mothering Sunday
Fast forward three months and we're well into spring. Mothering Sunday to be precise. I'm back in the homeland visiting my long-suffering mother and playing the dutiful daughter. Part of this task is trying to compensate for the lack of communication over the last few months after I sold my soul to Leeds Trinity University in exchange for a PGdip that will hopefully give me a chance at a real-life-job.
Lunch has been lovely with all the familiar elements of home still in place. My father is sneaking off to watch the football while I argue with my Gran about the integrity of the Daily Mail. It doesn't help that she's getting more and more irate with ring&ride who are apparently half an hour late. Awful service. Back to the papers, and we finally decided on a run down:
People who read The Times run the country
People who read The Daily Mail are married to the men that run the country
People who read The Financial Times own the country
People who read The Guardian think they should run the country
And people who read The Sun don't give a toss about who runs the country, as long as they've got boobs
Also attending the lucheon is a family friend deciding what to do with new-found state of early (and perhaps not quite welcome yet) retirement. Gardening and starting a blog seem to top of the list. I guess everyone is at it nowadays.
Aside from incurring the wrath of Molly, our elderly shorthand tutor who despairs of the fact that we seem to have reverted back to juveniles in a classroom situation, the course is going well. I'm still coasting below the 50wpm mark, and think some evening work is going to have to come into play if I'm ever going to improve. My caffeine and alcohol intake levels have dramatically increased (averaging on about 4 bottles of red a week, binge sessions not included) but I've decided to regret that at a later date by convincing myself that I'm simply embracing the role of journo hack and hardened drinker.
The first of our weekly magazine went out last Thursday with an array of subjects ranging from eating insects to mental health issues. It has basically been an excuse for me to do a number of random and amusing activities, including forcing my sun-reading private schooled 'lad' classmate into a heavy grooming session, and writing them up as what I hope are amusing anecdotes. I think I actually need to stop the fun and games and dig for some actual news before I end up with a lifestyle only CV. x
Lunch has been lovely with all the familiar elements of home still in place. My father is sneaking off to watch the football while I argue with my Gran about the integrity of the Daily Mail. It doesn't help that she's getting more and more irate with ring&ride who are apparently half an hour late. Awful service. Back to the papers, and we finally decided on a run down:
People who read The Times run the country
People who read The Daily Mail are married to the men that run the country
People who read The Financial Times own the country
People who read The Guardian think they should run the country
And people who read The Sun don't give a toss about who runs the country, as long as they've got boobs
Also attending the lucheon is a family friend deciding what to do with new-found state of early (and perhaps not quite welcome yet) retirement. Gardening and starting a blog seem to top of the list. I guess everyone is at it nowadays.
Aside from incurring the wrath of Molly, our elderly shorthand tutor who despairs of the fact that we seem to have reverted back to juveniles in a classroom situation, the course is going well. I'm still coasting below the 50wpm mark, and think some evening work is going to have to come into play if I'm ever going to improve. My caffeine and alcohol intake levels have dramatically increased (averaging on about 4 bottles of red a week, binge sessions not included) but I've decided to regret that at a later date by convincing myself that I'm simply embracing the role of journo hack and hardened drinker.
The first of our weekly magazine went out last Thursday with an array of subjects ranging from eating insects to mental health issues. It has basically been an excuse for me to do a number of random and amusing activities, including forcing my sun-reading private schooled 'lad' classmate into a heavy grooming session, and writing them up as what I hope are amusing anecdotes. I think I actually need to stop the fun and games and dig for some actual news before I end up with a lifestyle only CV. x
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